21 years of memories

**exactly 21 years

"Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

If some of you would remember, these quotes were heard from the true-to-life film “Forrest Gump”. Indeed, life is a box of chocolate; one would never know what he/she will gonna get. But, for me, aside from that very meaningful definition, life is not just a box of chocolate; it is as well, a playground. A place where I can have fun even I scraped my knees due to being a playful child. A place where I can run as hard as I can. A cliff where I can shout my heart out. And a door that would welcome me every time, with or without explanation as to why I got home late.

For me, life has been harsh, at an early age; I learned what it is to live in the real world. Not because I want to, but because I was forced to. Life gave me the education that no elite school could have given, well, that goes for all of us. Life, has tested my courage, my faith, my strength more than a couple of times, and laughs at me mercilessly when I fall down on my knees. Life has given me the determination to look and walk forward, and to life live itself. Life has given me eternal companions and foes. It has also stripped me of things that can never be replaced.

Compared to others, my life is just a short journey. Twenty-one years. But for me, it has been more than enough to understand the things necessary for a person to live in this world. Things that will surely make you or break you depending on how you would take it.

Just to make things clear, I am just making this entry to share the things that I have learned throughout this journey. Things that you can read but you may never be able to experience because of certain factors.

I myself am not from a rich family. I don’t have the toys I wanted back then, or the leisure that I am experiencing right now. At the age of, I think two, my mother decided to work abroad so that our family may be able to live a little comfortable life, but due to her employers back then who physically abused her, her body lasted for only two weeks, and came back with traces of what she had been through for the whole two weeks. As I have said, I learned what it means to live in the real world not because I want to, but because I was forced to. And, I think what I saw back then has been the key in opening my eyes to the tainted world that I’ve been living. A while after that incident, my father then decided to work abroad in place of my mother. It was a risk. But he took it. He applied for a company in Brunei, and eventually our family became financially stable. It was then that I experienced having a can of Pringles Original flavor, chocolates and toys every now and then. But, happiness is always bundled with sadness. Or in my case, it was confusion. Since I was only two years old, turning to three, when my father first depart for abroad, I don’t remember much of what he looks at. Just basing from pictures, it wasn’t enough for a five year old kid to recognize someone. The kid-next-door’s father came home from abroad, and mistaken him for my own father since for some unknown reason, he gave me a gift, a toy car. I was lost back then. By the time that my father came back from abroad, my mind was in total chaos. I don’t know what to do the first time I saw him after two years. I was asking myself back then on what should I do. But eventually, the identity crisis has been cleared up and ever since that day, I never again forgot the faces of those people who are family to me. At the age of six, my parents decided to enroll me in an elementary school or what others would call a grade school or primary school. It was one hell of an experience for me, since I am not “that” sociable, I was in culture shock back then. I never attended a kindergarten or preparatory school. And because of that, the school doubted if I can actually interact with their students and go with the flow of the subject meant for a kid whose undergone kindergarten and preparatory school training. They tested me, and I passed. But after a few years, since I looked like the weakest of all the students, one by one, my classmates began to bully me. Those days were almost like nightmare, always ordering me around to do their chores, or to buy their snacks. Although it was not new for me, it was very tiring, but since I don’t want to have any enemy back then, I don’t really care about such trivial things. Years passed by and at last, only a year is left before I graduated grade school. It was March when I first took the punch that I thought would knock me out. A classmate has asked me to come with him since one of our upper classman was calling for me, and of course I followed my classmate who called me. But suddenly, just after I asked what they want or need from me, a punch has been thrown at me directing at my stomach. Since I wasn’t prepared for that, I fell on my knees. But, instead of telling me the reason behind the punch, the one that punched me just said these words “Traydor ka, wag kong malalaman na pinagsabi mong sinuntok kita. Kundi lagot ka samin.” or “Traitor, don’t tell anyone that I punched you, or else you’re dead.” And since I was frightened back then, I just nodded. Hoping to avoid greater conflict. After that, a year has passed. I am already one of the graduating students of that school. But an accident happened. I drowned in the man made lake beside our school. It was January 12, 2001. Back then, I really don’t know how to swim. But I know I enjoyed being in water. I slipped my footing in the said man-made lake and eventually, I drowned. It was a bit frightening experience for me. But, I was well prepared back then if ever the worst comes to worst. Back then, I don’t have any regrets in living my life. I laughed a lot, I cried a lot, I smiled a lot and I frowned a lot. For me, those emotions that I experienced are far more important, to the point that I will be happy either to die or to live. But, God works in ways that we humans can’t fathom. I was saved, by a bystander. And up to now, I am thanking him for doing so. I finished grade school with that memory in my mind. It was a turning point for me. But it was a horrible nightmare for those around me. When I graduated grade school and entered high school, it was again, a new experience for me. It was both disturbing and exciting. Disturbing since I entered a realm unknown to me, a school that could be full of influential people and thugs that could do something horrible to me. But, exciting since I may be able to make some more friends. Back then I was a wimp if I should say. So I always am afraid to have conflict with others. As expected, a person has many different traits that make him a bit different from another. I made new friends in my first year in high school, but at the same time, I made new foes. If my mind has understood how to live in this world before I was even three years old, my body has realized it only after coming to high school. Thankfully, I finished the first year without any trouble, except for my grades. It was like a battlefield, since I am on a pilot section. To get a grade of more than 90, you have to literally make miracles. Since my grade is a bit low for a pilot section student when I entered the second year, I was then assigned to a lower section. But, it doesn’t matter. All I have to do is do my best. Expecting that this section is like the other one that I have been through, like a battlefield, I didn’t let anyone get an edge on me. I always did my best for myself and myself only, but, it was very different. The students in the section I am in are so carefree. All they do is play, laugh then play and laugh again. Seeing how things are, I was sucked into this world. I became as carefree as them. This is when I started losing my control over myself. I didn’t do preparations for the exams; my homework has been left untouched, and my projects undone. All I did was to have fun like everyone else does. It was in this year when I experienced having a girlfriend. Since this has been my first, I don’t even know what to do when she’s near me. And seeing how I am back then, I really think that I act like a jerk, doing silly things, making silly rhymes, singing silly songs. It only last for a year and seven months if I am correct. She left for her province and the next thing I know, she was about to be married to one of her ex-boyfriend. I was pretty affected back then, I took a week off in school. But as I expect from myself, I slowly regained my composure and returned to school like nothing have happened. After five months, I had another girl. But, unlike the first one, she was wild, a happy-go-lucky one. Our relationship was neither happy nor frustrating. Since all we do is argue on things that are not even worth arguing. I started college at the age of 16 years old. Again, it was a new experience for me. I was always told that college is easier than high school. But it was exactly the opposite of high school. In high school, almost all of your actions would be seen by the keen eyes of those around you, but in college, no one will even bother to talk to you unless they are your friend or unless you know them. The walls in college are much thicker than those in high school. The instructors are much more difficult to please. The subjects are much advanced. And your classmates are much more egoistic. By far, I have lived college the way I wanted to. I made companions that I am sure would support me in every step of the way, but also made foes who will not be happy unless I am again down on my knees.

The past twenty-years have been filled with happiness, excitement, pain, sadness, and so many other different emotions. It has been one heck of a ride. The ups and downs are greater than the Mount Everest or the Mariana’s trench. The zigzags are more dangerous that that of a winding road. The bumps and humps are bigger than the boulders spouted by the volcanoes. But, even so, I conquered them all. Not by my own strength but by the help of those who believes in me. I learned everything I know now not because of my wittiness. But because of those who are eager to let me know the things that I have to know. Maybe I was raised as a normal human being, but I am far from being normal. I made my choice in the world that no one else can. And I am proud that I do so. Given the fact that my father is always away from home to work to give us a comfortable life, I will always be thanking him. Even if my mother is always away when I wake up every morning, I give her my respect. Not for being a teacher, but for being my mom, and accepting both my good and bad side. Even if my family often laughs and I have to hide my sadness in front of them, I would always be smiling, that you can assure. For those who shoved my emotions aside just to have their way, thank you for making my life a challenge. For those who believed in me, not giving up, thank you guys, you really are the best. And for those who stayed by me, believing that I can pull it through ups, downs, lefts or rights, my friends, thank you very much, this is just the beginning. Expect so much more to come. And lastly, to my uncles and aunts who rooted for me (maybe), to my cousins who laughed with me and for my family who are always there, to my father who always believed in me, to my mother who always comforted me, to my lola who is always willing to update me on current events believe me, you made this ride a frightening one, but it was worth taking. I enjoyed it. And I am proud I am from this family. And even if I died when I was still in grade school and have been reincarnated, I would always choose this family, not because it is fun to be with you, but because it was worth being with you. And for my twenty-first year in this world, my journey has only just begun.

Life indeed is a road, created and forged by our own hands. It can also be a box of chocolates, depending on how you look at it. But as for me, as I have said earlier in this post, life is but a playground. Filled with thorns and flowers. Filled with rocks and sands. Filled with water that is either shallow or deep. Life is a journey to know yourself, and to know others. And while your at it, might as well, be thankful. And since this life has been so meaningful, with the will of my creator, I want to borrow this life a little much longer. Not so that I can make new enemies, but so that I can make much more memories. I would like to fly not to look down on those who can’t but to see how beautiful this world is. And with that in mind, I will keep on living the life I chose. Living the life that I, myself forged.

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Wave: Ang bagong hari ng kalsada.

red as blood

Mejo may katagalan na din nung huli kong naiupdate ang blog ko. Sa kadahilanang madaming dahilan. (Nangloloko na ata ako ah) Isa na rito ang thesis works na dapat tapusin. Ang mga assignment na dapat gawin. At ang mga exam na dapat paghandaan. Marami ding dapat ayusin sa buhay estudyante ko. Lalo pa ngayon na graduating na ko. Isina-isang tabi na muna ang lovelyf. Pero hindi ang mga “hobby”. Itinigil muna ang panonood ng T.V., pero hindi ng mga anime na nadownload ko sa internet. Pero hindi tungkol sa buhay ang topic ko sa aking pagbabalik sa webpage na ito. Kundi ang buhay na nararanasan ng karamihan o dpat ko bang sabhin na nararanasan ng lahat kapag nasa kalye o kalsada na. So, bago ko makalimutan ang mga dapat kong sabhin sa entry na ito, sisimulan ko na.

Sa ating pangaraw-araw na buhay, hindi maaaring hindi tayo lalabas ng bahay. Upang mamili, o upang magliwaliw sa lansangan. At dahil dito, madalas na ang isang buong araw ay nauubos lang sa labas ng ating bahay. Subalit, hindi nyo ba napapansin, kung dati, ang mga naririnig nyo lang nagmumurahan sa kalye ay ang mga lasing na nagiinuman sa may tindahan, o ang mga drayber na nasingitan sa pila o naunahan sa pasahero, ngayon, meron nang bagong umeeksena sa daan. Madalas, humaharurot sila at kahit na naka-helmet pa, madalas pa din silang nadidisgrasya. Ang tinutukoy ko ay ang mga WAVE SCOOTERS o yung mga motoksiklo na kaya lamang magsakay ng hanggang sa dalawang tao. Pero ano nga ba ang mga sasakyang ito?

Ang mga WAVE SCOOTERS o motorcycles ay isang motorcycle series na ipinakilala ng Honda noong 1995, subalit ito ay nagumpisang maging sikat noong bandang 2002. Sa kadahilanang madali itong gamitin, at ideal para sa mga napasok sa pabrika, ito ay naging sikat kinalaunan at ginaya na rin ng mga iba pang mga nasa automotive industry. Sa kadahilanang matipid din “daw” umano ito sa gasolina, parami na ng parami ang mga gumagamit nito sa kasalukuyan.

Hindi mahirap magkaroon ng ganitong motorsiklo, bukod sa lisensya at pera para makabili, hindi na ganoong kahirap maghanap. Kahit saan kasi, kahit sa mall man o sa highway, siguradong may makikita kang establisyimyento na nagtitinda nito. Bukod din kasi sa madali lang itong manehuhin dahil di hamak na mas magaan ang mga ganitong klase kesa sa ibang modelo ng motoksiklo, mas “user-friendly” din ito. Karamihan kasi ng mga lumalabas na modelo ngayon, ay wala nang clutch o yung mekanismo na ginagamit kapag kailangan mo nang mag bago ng gear sa isang sasakyan.

Sa ngayon, padami na din ng padami ang mga nagamit ng ganitong motorsiklo. Na kahit ipinagbabawal na ng mga traffic enforcers na sumobra sa dalawa ang sakay, eh, pinipilit pa ring makalusot ng mga pasaway nating kababayan. Dahilan daw umano sa mas makakatipid sila kung ganoon ang gagawin. Subalit dahil din dito, ay parami ng parami ang mga nagiging aksidente dahil sa mga motorsiklo na ito. Dahil nga kasi sa magaan ito, mabilis itong kumuha ng akselerasyon subalit hindi ito madaling patigilin. Dahil sa hindi rin kasi ganoong kalakas ang kapit ng mga preno nito.

Maraming mga estudyante ang gumagamit ng ganitong klase ng motorsiklo sa kolehiyong aking pinapasukan. Meron din akong mga kakilala at mga kaibigan na gumagamit ng ganito. At sa awa naman ni BRO, hanggang ngayon naman, eh, wala pa kong nababalitaan na nadidisgrasya sa kanila. Pero, kung hindi sila magiingat, ay malamang na sumunod na silang tawagin ni BRO. Hindi para maging pari o kung anu man na maglilingkod at maghahatid ng mga salita ni BRO, kundi para pumunta sa tabi nya.

Sa ngayon nga, ang kadalasang maririnig mo sa mga bibig ng mga drayber, kahit sa dyip man yan o sa van o kahit na drayber ng mga naggagandahang mga sasakyan eh, “@#$%^&* mo!” o di kaya’y “nagpapakamatay ka ba?!” o di kayang “^&$*# ka ah!!” na may kasama pang turo sa animo’y lumilipad na motorsiklo na papalayo sa kanila. Dala marahil ito ng pagkainis sa mga pasingit-singit na pagmamaneho ng mga may-ari ng ganitong modelo ng motorsiklo.

Pero, kahit na mabilis ito, o matipid sa gasolina o nagpapabilis ng transportasyon natin, marami rin itong dalang panganib. Ilang tao na ang namamatay o malubhang nasusugatan mula noong maging tanyag ito dahil na rin sa hindi balansyadong estraktura nito. Katulad nga ng sinabi ko kanina, dahil sa mabilis itong umarangkada, masyado ring mahina ang preno nito kapag kailangan na ang malakas na preno upang tumigil. At dahil dito, maraming pamilya na ang nawalan ng kaanak, maraming katawan na ang naparalisa at maraming tao na rin ang naperwisyo. Dahil rin sa mga “body modification” na serbisyo na ibinibigay ng mga nagtitinda ng “accessories” para sa mga ganitong klase ng motorsiklo, mas nagiging delikado na din ang sumakay sa mga ganitong motor. Lalo na kung yun nga, naiba na yung estraktura.

Hindi masama mapabilis ang transportasyon natin mula sa isang lugar papunta sa isa pang lugar, lalo na kung nagmamadali tayo. Subalit, hindi rin tama na ilagay natin ang ating buhay at ang buhay ng ating pasahero dahil lamang sa isang bagay na maaari nating iwasan kung tayo ay magiingat lamang. Habang natagal kasi, sa mga barangay, mas nadami ang mga kabataan na nagmamaneho nito ng walang lisensya, safety gears o kahit helmet man lang. At imbes na bagalan nila ang kanilang pagmamaneho dahil sa wala sila ng mga ito, eh, parang “byaheng langit” talaga ang hinahabol nila.

Kaya kung dati, na ang hari ng kalye o ng kalsada dito sa Pinas ay ang mga dyip o PUJ, sa ngayon, natalo na sila ng mga di hamak na mas maliliit na sasakyang ito. Napatalsik na sila sa kanilang inaanay na trono, at sa ngayon, sa tingin ko, wave na ang mga hari ng kalsada. Hindi na mga BUS, hindi na mga TAXI, hindi na mga PRIVATE VEHICLES, at lalong hindi na ang mga JEEP o PUJ. Kundi ang mga maliliit, magagaan at nakakamatay na mga WAVE SCOOTERS na.

Ikaw, ano ang pipiliin mo? Makatipid ng konti sa pamasaheng ginagastos mo sa araw-araw pero ilagay sa alanganin ang sarili mong buhay, o ang gumastos na ng higit sa isang-daang piso araw-araw para lamang sa pamasahe pero sigurado kang makakauwi ka ng buo at may buhay sa iyong pamilya? Ikaw ang mamili. Ikaw ang magpasya. Dahil sa bandang huli, buhay mo pa rin yan, at hindi buhay ng iba.

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